I Was Just Forced To Pawn My iMac

I’ve been destitute for close to a decade now.

I didn’t complain when every contact ever went from any other topic over to collecting money from me.

I work 7 days a week.

I work ~94% of the hours I’m awake.

We Humans Don’t Respect Knowledge, We Respect Dollars

Shoutout to the urban poet Jay-Z there

I lose “friends” over money. I only hear from people about what I owe them. Once I’m finally able to pay my bill in full; I’ll never hear from them again.

I lose.

I don’t have money to get insurance.

I don’t have money for prescriptions to treat my Depression or ADHD.

I’ve gone deeper into debt daily for the past 5 years.

So, now on the verge of achievement, I’m closing down to go work for someone else who wont value me or my knowledge.

But maybe I’ll be able to buy new clothes or shoes or take my animals (4 dogs and 1 cat) to the vet like they’ve needed for years now.

I may even get my iMac back from the pawnshop.

Now comes the humiliating part

I know this and I’ve never had any self-esteem, I’ve fought depression for as long as I can remember.

Yet, this truth, I know without doubt.

I should totally kick ass. My failure to survive is my fault.

I own that just as completely as I’d own any success.

I’m not a fan/accepting of excuses.

Especially not from myself.

I should be kicking butt all the time?

Yes. Because:

I have the most amazing offer, ever. Better than anything I’ve seen. And I’ve looked for the better part of a decade.

That knowledge is the knife twisting in my heart.

I’ve laid out my solution to work with both do-it-yourselfers AND those of use who want comprehensive, done-for-us, solutions.

But its not a great offer until currency is exchanged for it by people.

I’ve been petrified I wouldn’t be able to bootstrap far enough on my journey to get my solution in front of and explained to my customers.

I’m committed enough I pawned my iMac today, said goodbye to multiple current customers who didn’t buy my solution.

I know just how close I am to pivoting my pathetic personal tragedy into a success story for the ages.

Actions speak louder than words